Am I Really Middle Aged?

My optometrist was going over the results of my Optomap scan with me the other day, and he attempted to assuage my concern over one of my symptoms by saying that it was typical of middle-aged guys.

Nobody had ever called me middle-aged before, and I don't consider myself middle-aged.

But that sort of got me thinking. Maybe I am middle-aged because I'm acting and thinking like a forty year-old. I mean, I own my home, I'm rarely up past eleven pm, I have a decent salaried job, I get pissed off at people who play their music too loud, my hair is thinning, and I'm trying to jam every penny I can into my 401(k). These are characteristics of middle-aged people.

This tempted me to go out and buy an xBox360, as well as some pizza and beer, so that I could attempt to revive my young self through irresponsibility and procrastination. To no avail, however, as I quickly reminded myself that I don't have time or patience, and all of the 13 year-olds on Halo would make quick work of me.